Five Really Bad Good Movies

If You See This Man... Please, Please, Please Kill Him

There are a lot of blockbuster movies out there that the people love but are generally in reality quite bad movies. Sure, they have a quality that redeems them from the low level of being terrible, but often times the movies you go to that you expect to be really uber-awesome end up sucking big time. Here are five examples:

1: Avatar (2009)

I do not know where to start with what I dislike about this movie. I went to see it in theatres, which is the only place to see it (or more preferably, not at all) and I walked out having been thrown cliché after wasted cliché at my poor, disgusted face. Sure, the visuals are stunning and perhaps make the film worth watching, but they are its only highlight. How many more films about overcoming racism and falling in love with an alien do we have to see? And there are sequels in the works! Agh!

2: Titanic (1997)

The second James Cameron film on this list is certainly not as bad as Avatar, but again it has one of the same fatal flaws: a love story where a love story is not needed. This film could’ve been much cooler if not for the recycled storyline of the Jack and Rose characters, only this time they’re on a boat. Cameron’s visuals are stunning, as with Avatar, but the film laughs in the face of the true story it is based on. At least there can’t possibly be a sequel.

3: Transformers (2007)

I’m really looking at the horseshit “Revenge of the Fallen” sequel here, but it really started with this less abhorrent but still pointless adaptation of what used to be a cool kids concept. And I’m looking at you, Michael Bay. He himself admitted that Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen was crap, and that he was only in it for the money. If I was a film director, as Bay claims to be, I wouldn’t make this even if I was offered a billion dollars. Congratulations, Michael Bay, you’ve just completely ruined the ability to tell between a good and bad movie that all pubescent kids used to have.

4: Crash (2005)

Now I don’t hate this movie as much as some people do, but I’m not acknowledging it as a great movie either. It’s in between, but makes the list simply because (like the other three), it fails to come up with any original ideas. Sure, we all know racism is bad, does Paul Haggis have to rub it in our faces? It tries so hard that, even though it manages to fail to be special, we have to give it some recognition for trying. I was disappointed by Crash. When it finished, I felt like I had just been called a racist, and that Paul Haggis was scolding me. I am not, nor have I ever been a racist! This film is unnecessary!

5: The Blind Side (2009)

Sandra Bullock may have won an Oscar for her role in this semi-interesting suprisingly disappointing football family movie, but, like her character in Crash above, she is annoyingly arrogant and generally distasteful. A lack of originality poisons this film, which could’ve been better. I mean think about it, did we really need another movie about a kid from the projects who gets adopted by a rich, wealthy white family and has a unique soccer ability? No. And did we need Sandra Bullock to play the mom? Hell No. As uplifting a story as it sounded the first time, this theme has been overdone, overcooked and overestimated.

There. Those are five picks. I could list more, but I don’t want to waste your time with any more whiny opinions. Please, feel free to shove my whininess back in my face by leaving a comment about what you thought of my choices. All criticisms are welcome.

Thanks for reading.


About Tyler

Patient observer of all things film and music, from Béla Tarr to Boards of Canada. Foul mouthed and clinging to the edge of sanity.

Posted on March 27, 2011, in Lists, Movie Reviews, Movies and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 4 Comments.

  1. Haven’t seen Avatar. Nor do I have any desire. It just looks silly. And will this 3D silliness ever end? How about a film with compelling characters and a good story? Just saw The Fighter last night. Truly well done. Would 3D have made it a better film? No way!

    I saw Titanic when it cam out and enjoyed it at the time. But I have no desire to see it again.

    Transformers? I simply refuse. Michael Bay? NO! Why does he have a career?

    Crash irritated the hell out of me. If I wanted to be preached to, I would go to church (I gave that up long ago).

    I read some of Michael Lewis’s book (The Blind Side). Interesting story, but the football player was the focus, not the wife. Looks too sappy for my taste.

    Nice list. I’m sure there are more to add to it.

  2. Aaron Babcock

    I’m with you on all of these choices.

  3. It makes me happy as a pig in, uh, “mud”, to see “Crash” on the same list as “Transformers”.

  1. Pingback: Five “Bad” Movies That I Think Are Actually Quite Good « Southern Vision: A Blog About Movies

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