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The Ten Most Outlandish Acts Larry David Has Committed on Curb Your Enthusiasm

Curb Your Enthusiasm has just started its eighth season over in the States, and we can rely on Larry David once again for consistent hilarity. Of the seven seasons so far, here are the ten craziest, most shocking things LD has done on TV, in chronological order:

Called Cheryl’s Aunt a Cunt, Beloved Aunt, Season One

“Devoted sister, beloved cunt?” Incredibly unexpected, this is an example of the worst possible typo, which shocked and appalled Cheryl’s family, just moments after he won them over with a Marlon Brando impression. Speaks for itself:

Tripping Shaq at a Basketball Game, Shaq, Season Two

Larry’s just being ignorant here, with his legs stretched out, completely careless, and along comes Shaquille O’Neal… The best part of this clip is Richard Lewis: “It’s not an assassination attempt, for Christ’s sake!”

Commented on a Young Child’s Penis, The Nanny from Hell, Season Three

What a cringe-worthy moment! Things are running fine between Larry and Hugh until the latter’s son’s penis is mentioned. Fuck Hugh, Larry David!

Stabbed Ben Stiller in the Eye, Ben’s Birthday Party, Season Four

“The toothpicks… there’s nowhere to put the toothpicks!” Larry is working on his golf swing, avoiding a tedious classical song and accidentally blinding a famous actor all at once. I can’t find a clip for the scene, sorry.

Stole a Golf Club from a Dead Man’s Coffin, The 5 Wood, Season Four

To be fair, the 5 Wood was stolen, and Larry deserved it back, but to think all of this could’ve been avoided if he hadn’t been a smartmouth to a kid. I can’t find a clip for this one either.

Befriended a Sex Offender, The Seder, Season Five

“Cheryl, he’s a JEW! He’s a JEW!” Larry befriends a bald sex offender and invites him for Passover, with unexpected results.

Stole Flowers from a Memorial Site, The Ida Funkhouser Roadside Memorial, Season Six

After getting into an argument with the Dean of Admissions to an important school at the ice cream store, Larry steals flowers from a memorial site to give to the woman as an apology. It does not end well. Here is the aforementioned argument:

Got His Therapist Jailed, The Therapists, Season Six

In an episode jam packed with hilarity, Larry convinces his therapist to help him stage a mugging and rescue to help him get closer to Cheryl’s therapist. The cameo is funny enough before we see what he actually makes the therapist do.

Urinated on a Painting of Jesus, The Bare Midriff, Season Seven

In what is officially my favourite ever episode of Curb, Larry “splashes” a painting of Jesus, which has unforeseen results. Not only one of the funniest episodes of Curb, but also one of the funniest episodes of… well, anything.

Brutally Murdered a Beloved Swan, The Black Swan, Season Seven

Not too long after inadvertantly killing an old man, he proceeds to accidentally do away with a country club owner’s beloved pet, Kyoko the black swan. Only LD.

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There. That’s my list of the top ten craziest, mot controversial, shocking things Larry David has done on Curb Your Enthusiasm. There are hundreds more crazier things throughout the whole series, and I can’t wait until Season Eight hits screens over here. Anything you’d like to add? Leave a comment below.

The Best and Worst of New Zealand Television

Here in New Zealand, where I live, most of the shows you’re likely to see on our four or five main broadcasting channels are American. But you do get a few Kiwi shows, some of them good and some bad. Here’s a short list for your amusement:

The Best:

7 Days (2009-present)

My personal favourite Kiwi show and probably the funniest thing on Kiwi television, this show pokes fun at the current events of the nation and the past week, playing every Friday night. A panel of brilliant Kiwi (and overseas) comics make hilarious jokes with a helping of controversial profanity and politically incorrect insults the most hilarious thing you’re likely to find ’round here.

Outrageous Fortune (2005-2010)

Although 7 Days is the funniest show, if you take in all elements of entertainment, Outrageous Fortune has to be the best. It revolves around a family of criminals who decide to go straight when their patriarch is jailed. Full of humour and Kiwi-style originality, thousands of New Zealanders tuned in to see this brilliant show each week until it finished at the end of last year. It was the best show on Kiwi TV, and it had a great run.

The Flight of the Conchords (2007-2009)

This extremely popular show originally aired on HBO in America, but it has become just as famous (probably more so) here in New Zealand. The unique brand of offbeat humour which is somewhat of a mix between Wes Anderson and Judd Apatow has made millions laugh, and though it only ran for two seasons, it still remains a cult classic both here and abroad.

The Jaquie Brown Diaries (2008-2009)

Yet another offbeat Kiwi comedy, this show presented us with the already known Jaquie Brown, a comedienne playing a fictionalized version of herself. She is a “celebrity” trying to succeed in a world unable to accept her. And as a result, hilarity ensues. Not the best Kiwi show, but an acceptable and funny one nonetheless.

Diplomatic Immunity (2009)

One of the truly funnier Kiwi shows, Diplomatic Immunity poked fun at the raw and “unorganised” politics of the Pacific Islands, it follows the ambassador of a fictional Pacific country, his disgraceful attitude, and attempts to straighten him out. There’s true comedy here, and it’s a shame the show never had a future.

RadiRadiRah (2010-????)

One of the newer and funnier Kiwi sketch shows, RadiRadiRah has so far had one, funny season. Though parts of it were weak, the now iconic “Beached As” whale and the strangely appealing Gavin Hoode sketches have no doubt had an influence on Kiwi comedy, as well as reminding us of is possibilities.

The Worst:

Go Girls (2010-????)

This show had an interesting premise, but audiences looking for strong acting and originality were to be disappointed. Not the worst show, but a real let down.

Shortland Street (1992-present)

The show has been around for a long time, and I admit in the early days it might’ve had something. But now, it’s reduced to clichéd, unoriginal storylines and disappointing acting. The show’s pathetic attempts at evoking emotion are laughable, the characters are flawed, and episodes are in desperate need of rewrites.

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So there. Those’re a few of the TV shows we’ve braved over the recent years. There are a lot more, but these are the ones that get the most recognition. Seen any of them? Leave a comment below.

The Ten Best Episodes of Curb Your Enthusiasm

Bald Asshole

Recently, I became addicted to the hilarious HBO show Curb Your Enthusiasm, and have since bought all seven seasons on DVD and watched them religiously, and I can’t help but notice a little bit of Larry rub off on me. So… I’m going to present the ten BEST ever episodes, a task which is extraordinarily difficult, and also provide reasons, quotes and classic moments to back me up.

So, without further ado, the ten best episodes of Curb, in chronological order:

S2E3: Trick or Treat

Never before have I heard someone respond to the question “Are you Jewish?” with “You wanna check my penis?” Larry David opened that door into a world of easy offence, especially to two teenage girls who commit a “hate crime” and the disputed inventor of the Cobb salad. Terrific.

S2E7: The Doll

“Sweet Judy Brown Eyes?” Larry manages to commit more atrocious yet seemingly acceptably accidental incidents in this rollercoaster of an episode. From a misinterpreted genital examination to a horribly misplaced drink bottle, Larry David serves up countless offensive comments and acts yet again in this season highlight.

S3E4: The Nanny from Hell

“You don’t comment on a four-year old’s penis!” I have complete sympathy for the nanny here, that tune is atrocious and just might have the possibility to drive me to insanity. As to whether Lewis coined that oft-abused term is still to be disputed though I doubt anyone will dispute Larry’s outrageous gift of a dozen spongecakes which end up having an unlikely usage.

S3E8: Krazee-Eyez Killa

“You my Caucasian?” Larry gives lyrical advice to a black rapper, suffers the horrible consequences of adventurous fellatio and learns true jacket throwing etiquette in this well-known episode which is regarded as one of the best. As to whether Larry is a motherfuckin pimp is to be decided.

S4E6: The Car Pool Lane

Speaking of Larry the motherfuckin pimp, his adoption of a Big Momma prostitute for access to the car pool lane has unexpected results and the appearance of Jorge Garcia “Hurley” as a doubtful drug dealer is a shockingly perfect example of his shockingly imperfect behaviour.

S4E10: Opening Night

The longest episode yet, this hour-long season finale is one of my favourite episodes simply for Larry’s brilliant rendition of Max Bialystock in The Producers. His sudden burst into a comedic routine (“People, this is my cousin Andy, or as he is affectionately known by his nickname, The Primary Reason for Anti-Semitism”) is priceless and perfectly Larry, as is his determination to get his anniversary gift and a dislike for Republicans (“You have a picture of Bush?”)

S5E8: The Ski Lift

I was surprised all this could be crammed into one episode, with the big vagina thing and the ski trip and Larry’s yarmulke-toppling performance as an orthodox Jew. Also, seeing him swap places with Jeff in marriage, even if temporarily, is hilarious enough. And as well, I don’t know if edible underwear have ever showed up at a more perfect time.

S6E3: The Ida Funkhouser Roadside Memorial

“I like being called Daddy,” says Larry to the dean of admissions to a sacred school which he is determined to get Sammie Greene and the Black kids into. Stealing flowers from a memorial site is perhaps the most atrocious thing he’s ever done (next to pissing on Jesus), but it seems strangely normal coming from Larry.

S7E2: Vehicular Fellatio

From Larry’s vicious assault of a sealed GPS to his distaste for oral sex in a car (which I seem to remember him receiving in Season One), this episode was a riot of mistakes and coincidences. Who was blowing who? No one can be sure, but vacuum-sealed packaging and a badly timed romantic moment between Jeff and Susie could be the end of all three of them.

S7E6: The Bare Midriff

Without a doubt my favourite episode ever, The Bare Midriff had everything. I’d never laughed so hard so many times in one Curb episode. A doubtful decision of office attire to a classic case of racism toward bald people to a gift Richard Lewis wishes he never got Larry to a stunningly outrageous desecration of Christ to a suicide attempt that nearly leads to Larry’s death… whew! There’s so much hilarity in this one episode that it’s beyond a shadow of a doubt, a reason to watch Curb Your Enthusiasm.

The Episodes That Didn’t Quite Make It:

S1E3: Porno Gil, S1E8: Beloved Aunt, S2E2: Thor, S2E9: The Baptism, S3E9: Mary, Joseph and Larry, S3E10: The Grand Opening, S5E7: The Seder, S6E1: Meet the Blacks, S6E9: The Therapist, S7E5: Denise Handicap

There you go, my ten favourite Curb eps. Now leave a comment telling me if you agree or disagree, and what your favourites are.

Thanks for reading.

Lynch Diary #1: Twin Peaks

David Lynch is quite possibly my favourite director working today. Well, perhaps not, but he has made some really great movies. It was only last year that I was introduced to Lynch with Blue Velvet, and since then I have never looked back. So far, I’ve seen all of Lynch’s films except for Dune, Fire Walk With Me and The Straight Story. And just a couple of days ago a friend lent me a copy of Season One of Lynch’s hugely successful TV series, Twin Peaks. So far, I’ve only watched three of the eight episodes (including the Pilot) of the series, but I would like to so far broadcast my thoughts and give a secret premonition of who I believe killed Laura Palmer…

Right, so first off, let’s look at the Pilot episode. It starts off with three minutes of pure bliss, slow images of Lynch’s perfectly created little sawmill town. The music is Julee Cruise, “Falling,” a song I heard years ago but surprisingly appeared right there as soon as I pressed play. Then we transition to a fisherman (Jack Nance, whose looks have changed dramatically since Eraserhead) discovering the homecoming queen’s body. A nearly naked woman named Pulaski is also found, alive but emotionally scarred for life. It becomes clear that Laura Palmer and Pulaski (whose first name I cannot remember) were attacked and raped.

And from this point on, throughout the progression of the episode, we are introduced to several more strange characters, all residents of Lynch’s town, and begin to follow their stories. Each have their own suburban secrets, a la Blue Velvet, and each have their tale to tell.

Enter FBI Special Agent Dale Cooper (Kyle MacLachlan, this just keeps getting better and better), who decides to stay in the peaceful town and invesigate the murder. He’s a weird fellow, muttering into a tape recorder dubbed Diane and admiring what seem to be completely normal and otherwise uninteresting trees. In the next episode, we learn of his love for coffee and cherry pie, as the mystery continues to unfold.

At the conclusion of the third episode (Episode Two if you don’t include the Pilot), Cooper has a strange dream involving a small man dressed in red who speaks as if his words are reversed audio, and a woman whom he claims to be his sister, but who is identical to Laura Palmer. Cooper awakens from this dream (nightmare?), calls up the town sherriff Harry S. Truman (yes, you heard me right) and tells him he knows who the killer is.

A suspenseful ending if ever there was one. So what are my thoughts? Who do I think killed Laura? Well, I have no firm evidence and I’m probably wrong, but I believe it is either Leo, Audrey or that psychiatrist fellow. If you don’t know who I mean, you must see Twin Peaks. I’m probably dead wrong, but those are my guesses. Tonight I’m going to crack down and watch the rest of the series, and tomorrow I will update you with my thoughts on the next few episodes and whether my predictions have changed.

What’s my Lynch opinion? I am very much enjoying TP. I love the way he presents us with all these characters and their different lives, and a director who can spin the whole multiple scenario character and make it enjoyable (a nod to P.T. Anderson and Robert Altman, among others) is among the top in my book.

What do you think of Twin Peaks? Leave a comment and let me know, but no spoilers!

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